its about the glamour baybeh<3

Friday, April 08, 2005

its weird blogging twice a day.
but my dear friend , Mister MSJ has left us. and til now, i still miss him.
16July1989 to 26March2005.
i just saw our sec1E2 '03 class photo.
he was there, sitting right in front. smiling. botak. handsome. and of cos, breathing.
but now, he's not with us anymore. not ever again.
he can only live in our memories and if i can, i wanna rmber him forever.
he was such a nice , sweet-tempered guy.
i attended the wake on 27Mar. i still visualize that scene.
him lying there, immoblised.
i had the urge to shake him and wake him up. but obviously, thats a childish thought.
he's never coming back and i know that.
we'll learn to accept this fact, afterall its part and parcel of life.
i've grown up, literally, seriously.

i just read a blogger's thoughts and i realised that she actually went through the same thing, or at least theres the other woman part. initially, i felt embarrassed abt the fact that my dearest daddy had a woman outside. but i realised soon enough, hey i'm not at fault. why shld i be the one who feels ashamed? i find him so fking fake when he wears that fking smile on his damn face and pretends as if nthing has happened. wtf. i just cant help it but feel that hes a fking hypocrite. the way he laughs with my mom, the way he made my mom cry like. . whatever you wanna visualize as. my life was in total utmost mess and i just cant bring myself to speak to him . i'm no longer part of the family because of my stubborness (they like to say) and my fking attitude (they like to bitch abt that) . i'm not a fault , hello!? why am i always tearing like a spoilt tap and when nobody give a damn.
i see no reason to cry like nobody's business and i often tell myself to be strong because if any day he would leave us, i'll be my mom's pillar. someone that she can gladly rely on , without worrying i would let her go like what he did.